It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
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