Your mouth is God's brothel.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
