the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
