guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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