you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
