i think my mom watched the whole time
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
