Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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