It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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