ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
