Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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