Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
