Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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