wakey wakey hands off snakey
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
