I accidentally burped into my bong.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
