yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
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What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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