I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
