good thing vaginas are great cup holders
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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