When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
