I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
