OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
