Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
