Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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