im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
