Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
