I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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