She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
