if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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