I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
