yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
