I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
