I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
