Your dad touched me again.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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