My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Randomize
