i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
