u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
