I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
