I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
