did you get engaged???
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
