he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
