curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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