Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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