don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
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