Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Randomize
