She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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