If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
