k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
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