I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
