Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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