I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
