Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
