My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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