My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
