You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
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