I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
