Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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