Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
