does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
She even gives head with a lisp.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Randomize
