i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
we're so committed to being not committed
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
