I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
