Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
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