Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
