He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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