Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
