Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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