I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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