I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
