I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
