I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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