My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
